Sleep and other dreams
Okay, this two posts a day probably won’t last very long, but I couldn’t make the other thing I wanted to talk about on my blog this morning fit in with the ‘name’ theme of the other post.
First of all, I think that it’s important to embrace every part of yourself, and that you can’t change until you’ve accepted the part of you that you WANT to change. For me, this is two big things, my weight, and my depression. I don’t have a problem talking openly, or even joking about ether one. But this leads me to a dilemma, when I’m having a down day, what combined with my writing hobby and all, I tend to get all introspective and emotional, and want to put my feelings down on paper. The problem is, while this may be deep and meaningful to me, it comes across as sounding emo-y and whiny to the rest of the world, and people who fill their blogs with emo-y and whiny posts should be mocked mercilessly. And so I promise both of you, dear readers, that I’ll never post about how “my heart is a black hole, which nothing can fill up” or anything similar. I give you permission to kick me if I ever do.
Okay, now that that is out of the way. I had a good talk with my psychiatrist yesterday. She’s happy with how I’m doing on the Lexapro, with her only major concern being that it makes it difficult for me to sleep. Not so coincidentally, that is also my big concern about the Lexapro. She suggested that I stay up all day and all night and all the next day, then go to bed to try and reset my body so, you know, I’ll SLEEP at night. I was planning on starting that today, but, I only got 4 hours of sleep last night, so we’ll see how that goes. Maybe by the time 10pm rolls around, I’ll be so exhausted that I’ll just want to fall into bed (and stare at the celling until 2). This should be fun…
Sleep is a big deal in my life. I love sleep. I love dreaming. One of my favorite books–definitely one of the top three in the non-fiction category is called “Counting Sheep: The Science and Pleasure of Sleep and Dreams” by Dr. Paul Martin. One of the biggest struggles I had on my mission (considering what a difficult time I had on the mish, it’s strange to think that this was one of the big ones) is that as a missionary, you go to bed at 10:30, and wake up at 6:30. Period. Which is fine, if you only take five minutes to go to sleep, and only need about eight hours of sleep a night. I do not.(or did not, the Lexapro seems to have changed this for me) It has always taken me a long time–45 minutes or more to fall asleep. And I need closer to 9 or 10 hours a night to be happy and headache free. I really hope this reset thing works, because right now, it’s 9:30 am, I’ve been up for 2 hours, and I’m ready to go back to bed. I don’t know if I can handle another 46 sleep-free.