I am not ashamed.
I was lying in bed trying to sleep a couple of nights ago, and the thought came to me, “I am not ashamed of who I am.”
I don’t know where this came from, it had nothing to do with what I was thinking about, but it was accompanied by a large boost of spiritual peace. The more I thought about it, the more it’s true.
I’m not ashamed to be overweight. I am not ashamed to have major depressive disorder. I am not ashamed to be Mormon, I’m even not ashamed to be a Mormon who is struggling with activity in the Church. I’m not ashamed of the weird, random stuff my skin does, especially in the winter.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was the purpose of the blog. It’s to help me write everyday, true, but it’s also to let the world know that I am not ashamed. I don’t think I have anything to be ashamed of.
More than anything, I think this is about my mental illness. I want people with mental illness to be able to hold their heads up high, and not to be ashamed of who and how they are (this might be hard for depressives, the nature of the disease make the head pretty heavy at times.)
And so, I’ll keep blogging. The more of my darkness that I can share with the world, the less dark it becomes. Someday, perhaps, it will be gone.
And I won’t have anything to be ashamed of.