Hard Lessons

I made it to Institute tonight, for the first time in way too long.  For my non-Mormon readers, Institute, or Institute of Religion is a class for adult members of the church–sometimes provided in conjunction with a college or university, and sometimes put on by the stake. Since I’m not in school, I should be attending Stake Institute.

My Stake President, who is also a licensed psychologist and professor at BYU is teaching this institute class.  The topic?  Marriage and Family Relations.  Did I mention that this is a class for singles?  President is very pro-active about getting the members of his stake married and moving on with their lives.

I love to be taught by my Stake President, but the topic of the class kind of put me off for too long.  I’m glad I went tonight, though.

The topic of discussion was “Moral Cleanliness”.  We talked about sexual purity, of course, but President went beyond that–talking about our morals, and how, if we expect our hypothetical children to be moral, responsible people, then we need to be moral, responsible people.

We talked about addiction, to drugs, alcohol and pornography.  We also talked about stuff like anger issues.  While I don’t have a problem with any of the issues that President discussed, I did start thinking about the places in my life where I am weak, where I do need help.   And I was astonished to see how far I’d slipped from being the person that I want to be.

I made a list of things that I need to do to recover myself, and fortunately, it was all in areas that I knew I needed to work on anyway.

I’m going to do better.  I don’t know if I’ll ever marry or have children, but if I do, I know I want to be the best wife and mother that I can be. I also know that I won’t be successful as a wife or mother, or, for that matter, as a human being, without the help of my Heavenly Father.  I can’t will away my depression or neuroses, but with my Heavenly Father’s help, I can deal with them.

I will do better.  I will.  I have to.  I think I’ve been staring at the kind of person I’ll become if I don’t, and I don’t like what I’ve been seeing.

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