I have no right to complain, and yet I still do.

I’ve had a bad sinus headache the past couple of days.  I’ve been blaming it on allergies, but in reality, it’s a bit early for that just yet.

I’ve been thinking about it, and I realized that I’ve been sick a lot since I lost my job.  I think it’s more the depression than anything–granted, I don’t know much about physiology, but I do know that if I don’t have the motivation to get out and move around, my body is going to think that there is something wrong, and react with a headache or fever.  Or it could just be the hypochondria.

Either way, I feel like I’m in a precarious situation, in this or any economy.  The depression is hindering my search for a new job, but if I was working, the depression wouldn’t be so bad, and I could afford to explore stuff like acupuncture. I know that after what happened on Monday, it’s a bit surprising that I’m curious about acupuncture, but I’ve stumbled across several articles, including one on Depression: The Lonely Dance that say it’s an effective treatment.

I’ve been in this position before, and it’s never fun.  I don’t know if living alone is making it better or worse.  The last time I was here, I had three flatmates, but my own private bedroom.  I really only came out of my bedroom to eat, use the bathroom, or do laundry.  This time, I do have Max and Lulu to take care of, so I have to get out of the house to take them for walks at least three times a day.  This also means I have to get dressed, and make at least a minimum effort to make myself look presentable.

I hate this.  I hate it.  I hate that I don’t know how to change it.  I hate feeling so powerless.  I hate that just as  I was starting to make progress, it feels like I’m back at the beginning.

I know I’m selfish.  I know I’m spoiled.  I know how lucky I am to be living when and where I do.  I know in the big scheme of things, what I’m going through isn’t really all that important.

I’m also starting to get a little to emo-y, so I better stop.

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One response to “I have no right to complain, and yet I still do.”

  1. Xavier says :

    I know the feeling. I personally love just chilling in the house. I hate big crowds and the mentality of people in this county drives me up a wall. I am content just chilling in my room reading, blogging, or watching a movie. I think part of it also has to do with the season. The time that depression affects people the most, is the Winter season. As for becoming Emo…please don’t and if you have any Hawthorn Heights albums I will gladly help you dispose of them. lol

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