I have no right to complain, and yet I still do.
I’ve had a bad sinus headache the past couple of days. I’ve been blaming it on allergies, but in reality, it’s a bit early for that just yet.
I’ve been thinking about it, and I realized that I’ve been sick a lot since I lost my job. I think it’s more the depression than anything–granted, I don’t know much about physiology, but I do know that if I don’t have the motivation to get out and move around, my body is going to think that there is something wrong, and react with a headache or fever. Or it could just be the hypochondria.
Either way, I feel like I’m in a precarious situation, in this or any economy. The depression is hindering my search for a new job, but if I was working, the depression wouldn’t be so bad, and I could afford to explore stuff like acupuncture. I know that after what happened on Monday, it’s a bit surprising that I’m curious about acupuncture, but I’ve stumbled across several articles, including one on Depression: The Lonely Dance that say it’s an effective treatment.
I’ve been in this position before, and it’s never fun. I don’t know if living alone is making it better or worse. The last time I was here, I had three flatmates, but my own private bedroom. I really only came out of my bedroom to eat, use the bathroom, or do laundry. This time, I do have Max and Lulu to take care of, so I have to get out of the house to take them for walks at least three times a day. This also means I have to get dressed, and make at least a minimum effort to make myself look presentable.
I hate this. I hate it. I hate that I don’t know how to change it. I hate feeling so powerless. I hate that just as I was starting to make progress, it feels like I’m back at the beginning.
I know I’m selfish. I know I’m spoiled. I know how lucky I am to be living when and where I do. I know in the big scheme of things, what I’m going through isn’t really all that important.
I’m also starting to get a little to emo-y, so I better stop.