The birds are singing, the sun is shining (somewhere), it’s warmer than it’s been so far this year, so why aren’t I happy?
Even before I changed medications, it was rare for me to have more than one down day in a row. The medication change came because I was having at least one day a week where I was uber-depressed, and my resting state wasn’t as high as I wanted it to be.
Okay, I just used a lot of my own personal code words in that paragraph, let me try that again. Or better yet, just explain. Down day is a day where I’m noticeably more depressed than normal. Resting state is my normal emotional level. When I said it wasn’t as high as I wanted it to be, it means that even with the help of the antidepressants, I was crying myself to sleep every night. It got to the point where the side effects were no longer worth the benefits I was getting from the pills.
Up ’til now things have been good on the Lexepro. I do still have down periods, but they usually last only a few hours. That’s why the fact that I’ve been in a funk since Sunday afternoon has thrown me for a bit of a loop.
I guess “apathy” might be a better word than funk. I’m just not wanting to do anything. I’m not particularly sad, but I’m not happy, either. I’m doing the things that normally help in these situations to no avail. And I don’t even care enough to…care.
One of the problems might be the big family Easter party this weekend, this time with the non-communicative side of the family. I love them, and I enjoy spending time with them–just not when they’re all together in a single house. We need to meet at a park. Or a campground. Somewhere where we can all spread out and find our own little hidey-holes.
I especially hate these parties when they happen to be over conference weekend. Family, even my immediate family, has a way of distracting from listening to the messages from the prophet and apostles.
Right now, I’m trying to figure out if I can get away with not going to the party. If it wasn’t at my parent’s house, I wouldn’t go.
We’ll see. If I go in the state I’m in right now, I wouldn’t be fit company. If I don’t go, Mom might be mad to lose the extra help. It might all depend on Institute tonight.