Knowing what I should do doesn’t make doing it any easier.

I am a spoiled and selfish girl.

What right do I have to complain?  I have a supportive family, a nice house, two dogs that love me, I’m moving forward with my life, finally.

So I’m sad a lot.  So I have to take medicine to keep me from killing myself.  What do I have to be depressed over, really?

I mean besides the fact that my brain doesn’t process chemicals correctly.

I woke up to a bit of a surprise–today, before I’d even gotten out of bed, I’d received more visits than I had for the past week.  Okay, I wasn’t expecting that one to be a big post…

I think my problem is that I am impatient.  I guess we all are.  After I wrote that post, and while in the process of crying myself to sleep last night, I remembered a scripture from the Book of Mormon that I should have been thinking about all along, specifically Ether 12:27

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

My new friend, William Wallace (FREEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!  sorry, just had to get that out my system.) reminded me in the comments yesterday that I need to turn to God.  I know this.  I’ve always known this.  I know that my trials in life are those that He knows I can handle.

This is hard to remember, though when you’re feeling to agoraphobic to go to church, and to distracted and scatter-brained to study scripture.

School should help.  It’ll get me used to being around people (I’m surrounded by dogs, so I just used the word “socialized” in my head) so I’ll feel more comfortable at church.  The first little bit, anyway, should help with the self-esteem crap too.

I don’t know, I feel like I’ve been such a downer lately, but then I’ve been pretty down.  I want to have something happy to write about, but I really don’t.

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2 responses to “Knowing what I should do doesn’t make doing it any easier.”

  1. william wallace says :

    corianne / don’t take these words that one should not attend
    a church meet / singing a few songs, in giving interpretations
    of the scriptures, know/ meet people’s of such nature, beliefs.

    HOWEVER religions / religious beliefs are but foods to sup
    when one not having one’s teeth come through…. all being
    based on ideas / beliefs/ faith/ a fictional heaven, etc, etc.

    The next stage of development is a need of spiritual food
    of a more filling nature… thus in understanding heaven be
    not a place but a state of being.. thus with ones developing
    understanding as experience via heart/ brain, your diet of
    the spiritual nature be more sound towards that of reality.

    In such one not given anything rather it being that
    which revealed in already having. ( The essence of
    your very soul), such being the birthright of every
    human being… such becomes covered lost to us in
    the material world, thus in having to be recovered.

    Its not a problem of such being achieved, problem
    be in our capabilityof experiencing that of reality..
    by reality I mean that of love in its purer state……
    In the material world love having been diluted……
    billions of times..in development of understanding
    as experience in the true spiritual sense, then the
    dilution of love lessens…ones experience stronger.

    One’s balanced growth in experience/understanding
    is a vital part in spiritual development…experience
    in not outstripping understanding / understanding
    not outstripping one’s experience…as the plane be
    balanced with its wings, in reaching its destination.

    People’s are at various stages of development, such
    one respect the stages individuals having achieved
    (though true) such not always being easy..example
    in christians they can be a real pain …they will ask
    invite one to their meetings.. yet if one gives them
    some interpretation of the scriptures unto depth
    as try developing their beliefs of heaven into that
    of practical experience.. their response being to
    say >> that you have been sent by the devil.. thus
    asked to leave.. being told you are the anti christ.

    Thus if you feel comfortable in attending church
    services.. then enjoy such.. however if requiring
    a more satisfying diet…that it being one needs a
    more direct approach to the power of creation.
    Then a sound link found within the breath of life
    with each breath one take the power of creation
    reminds of its love .. thus if lost for direction it
    be one can rest in such power for a time, where
    reminded, there not a moment one alone, truth
    told none have ever been alone, but having lost
    our point of reference in the material realm…
    but a need in to reminded of its true purpose..

  2. The Parent says :

    I’m glad you have a friend. However I don’t even pretend to understand what he just said. Isn’t you med. doing what it is supposed to? I had DHS send your transcripts to you. Check the mail. Love.

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