Perhaps the most frustrating thing about depression is what I call the emotional hangover–the time after I’ve been in a good mood, when things get extra hard.

It was describing these emotional hangovers to my family doctor that led him to believe that I had manic depression.  When describing these symptoms to a psychiatrist, she disagreed.  She thought that because I was happy so infrequently I didn’t know how to deal with it.  While the Lexapro has helped deal with these hangovers…

Today, besides recovering from G, I’ve been extra aware of the physical manifestation of depression.  I’ve been stuck in that annoying place between sickness and health.

Last week, I happened upon a local PBS station airing the first part of “This Emotional Life”.  I watched, fascinated, and noted when the next part would be shown, and made sure to be home so I could see it.  The first part talked about relationships, which made me cry.  The second part talks about negative emotions, which made me cry.  The third part is about positive emotions, and hopefully, it won’t make me cry.

I’m extremely interested in all things mental health, especially depression.  I was especially interested in the new therapies and research talked about throughout the program.

What really impressed me was research showing that chronic depression physically changes the brain; people with chronic depression have smaller hippocampuses (hippocamipi?) than non-depressed people.  The flip side of this is people who have received treatment for depression, whether through anti-depressants or electroconvulsive therapy have normal sized hippocampi.  Experiments with rats have shown that anti-depressants and ECT actually cause the hippocampus to regrow new cells.

I know it’s sad that the only thing I have to report on for my Friday is a TV show, I promise to do better tomorrow.  I’ve set a goal–to go to the temple grounds, at least, if not inside, and to go somewhere–the mall or Wal-Mart or somewhere like that.  Not to do any shopping, mind, but to be surrounded by people.

We’ll see how that goes.  I’m hyperventilating a little just thinking about it.


One response to “Ugh.”

  1. william wallace says :

    corianne / the normal development of the brain is at such a pace
    it be not a problem people /ADULT / CHILD take it in their stride.

    For americans the majority through 24/7 govt brainwashing via
    the media … TV / Newspapers / Radio / they have now reached a
    stage independent thought being ever rarer ( the claim in being
    the most democratic / freedom loving nation is but an nonsense.

    In using defence against terrorism a cover/changing govts of the
    USA have stripped away the rights of people till.. in having none.

    UNITED KINGDOM (British Govts.. having over past few decades
    followed the way of the USA Govts… in 24/7 use of the media in
    brainwashing the public … whom are told what to think ..what to
    believe… as USA Govts done.. they also stripped away all rights
    as USA under a cover of defending the nation against terrorism.
    Thus an sad situation for British / American people, rather than
    Govts servants unto the people, people now the servants of Govt.

    The development of AMERICAN brain / the BRITISH brain, now
    being so slow it almost at a standstill ..such be the result of media
    brainwashing, thus in having done grave damage to both nations.

    All nations now go through an quicker / faster development of
    brain than USA / UK. There’s the greater capability / increasing
    in understanding / experience, the most prominient nations be
    CHINA / RUSSIA .. over a few decades their development having
    increased as much as 300% .. thus matching USA /UKs decrease.

    See result of USA /UK brainwashing in their changing behaviour
    both USA /UK abandoned international law .. using terrorism as a
    cover, in an invasion of Middle East in their placing puppet Govts.

    Thus in the process many lifes lost / untold suffering destruction.
    With little development of brain both USA /UK sinking ever lower
    that of ever more aggressive/ primitive self destructive behavour.

    Corianne / returning to my opening words development of brain
    in the normal process the brains development one takes in their being not a cause for concern, the majority not affected.

    HOWEVER for a minority the development of the brain at some
    stages for individuals be very daunting / frightning / this being
    because adaptions the brain make so great, it can severly affect
    the individual… the end process for such individuals being good
    the brain will have a far greater capacity in depth of understand.

    However going through such changes be a challenge as such can
    require all the individuals strength /courage, in coming through.

    That one in a state of depression is a good sign, depression is not
    a sign of one going into a illness…rather a sign that one is ending
    a illness… the depression a chemical released by the brain as an
    painkiller to ease the tension / fear, of changes that being made.

    The depression itself is nothing to fear … in truth the best advice
    with depression is not in fearing it / in not to trying to run from it
    but rather to embrace it… in doing such one finds depression an
    very rich experiene… so much so, they will not wish its parting..
    However … alas … it cant be kept… depression.. but fading as the
    brain finishing its final stages of the healingprocess.. depression
    but fades to a far distant memory. Soon, even the memory gone.

    Corianne…in being ill so long one becomes accustomed to such,
    take the person with a bad back / or injured arm/ leg they must
    rest such in giving it time to heal…as its healing they must use it
    more .. yet not over use.. balance it use in healing untill healed.

    Such the same process with the recovery from mental health, in
    having been ill for so long … one must adapt to the brains power
    of healing …of course its harder with brain recovery, than being
    with a broken arm / or leg.. the brain in being far more complex.

    however with brains recovery a need to rise with the challenge
    thus in stretching your capabilities toward self, as unto others..

    PS in becoming more balanced in the brains chemical formula
    you’ll shed a lot less tears, over yourself. HOWEVER, always a
    however..with an more alert brain you’ll see the very sad state
    humanity in…thus keep your hankies.. they’ll come in handy..

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