It’s been a rough few days.
It might be easier to start with the good news. Soon after I came home on Monday, the girl who was interested in renting my spare room heard Max and Lulu barking at the world, and called to see if she could come and see it. Basically, she wanted to make sure my house didn’t smell like dogs. It doesn’t. And so, I have a new roommate, or will, at the end of the month when her current contract expires.
In lesser good news, I found a green flippy thing that originally came with a one gallon pitcher that is now dedicated to watering houseplants. It survived a trip through the dishwasher, and my water pitcher is looking a lot less pathetic now.
So on to yesterday’s post.
I’ve been feeling unusually anxious the past couple of days. I’m worried about money, mostly.
The strange thing is, usually, when I pinpoint the cause of my anxiety, it goes away. Not this time. It kept me awake for two nights, turned my stomach into knots (the parts of it that weren’t already in knots from my recent bout of what was probably food poisoning) and making it hard to concentrate.
I decided that the best thing to do was to get everything I was feeling out. That’s the purpose of the blog, right?
Originally, I put that post on password protect so y’all could see that I wrote, without disclosing what I wrote.
That felt like cheating, though. A big part of this blog is to explore my mental health problems, and if I can’t be open and honest with them here, where can I be? There is solace in bearing the soul.
I didn’t want to deal with all the “you’re so wonderful, it’s going to be okay” crap, because, it really does feel like crap when you’re so down, so I turned off the comments.
After writing, I had a good cry, and decided money problems be damned, I needed ice cream or chocolate. Preferably both.
A good cry, finally being able to sleep, and a fully stocked chocolate stash (not to mention the fact that my grocery shopping cost $5 less than I was expecting it too) means that things aren’t looking so dismal. I’m still not happy, but I’m not thinking about hurting myself anymore, either.