So…what can I say about yesterday?

It’s been a rough few days.

It might be easier to start with the good news.  Soon after I came home on Monday, the girl who was interested in renting my spare room heard Max and Lulu barking at the world, and called to see if she could come and see it.  Basically, she wanted to make sure my house didn’t smell like dogs. It doesn’t.  And so, I have a new roommate, or will, at the end of the month when her current contract expires.

In lesser good news, I found a green flippy thing that originally came with a one gallon pitcher that is now dedicated to watering houseplants.  It survived a trip through the dishwasher, and my water pitcher is looking a lot less pathetic now.

So on to yesterday’s post.

I’ve been feeling unusually anxious the past couple of days.  I’m worried about money, mostly.

The strange thing is, usually, when I pinpoint the cause of my anxiety, it goes away.  Not this time.  It kept me awake for two nights, turned my stomach into knots (the parts of it that weren’t already in knots from my recent bout of what was probably food poisoning) and making it hard to concentrate.

I decided that the best thing to do was to get everything I was feeling out.  That’s the purpose of the blog, right?

Originally, I put that post on password protect so y’all could see that I wrote, without disclosing what I wrote.

That felt like cheating, though.  A big part of this blog is to explore my mental health problems, and if I can’t be open and honest with them here, where can I be?  There is solace in bearing the soul.

I didn’t want to deal with all the “you’re so wonderful, it’s going to be okay” crap, because, it really does feel like crap when you’re so down, so I turned off the comments.

After writing, I had a good cry, and decided money problems be damned, I needed ice cream or chocolate.  Preferably both.

A good cry, finally being able to sleep, and a fully stocked chocolate stash (not to mention the fact that my grocery shopping cost $5 less than I was expecting it too) means that things aren’t looking so dismal.  I’m still not happy, but I’m not thinking about hurting myself anymore, either.


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One response to “So…what can I say about yesterday?”

  1. william wallace says :

    Corianne / there comes times when the car needs to go
    through a overhaul…check the brakes / engine /etc etc.

    Such be, the same with the brain, in learning, there be
    the times it needs tuning after much use..when I say
    much use.. I mean over many liftimes, (not just one.

    At times it be minor repairs needed yet on occasion it
    needs major work done to it with a major overhaul….
    as with the car such making it run far better/ reliable..
    thus it be with the brain the changes made are critical
    to future development… though the period of overhaul
    can be very testing / it be when the changes are made..
    be complete.. the brain in having far greater capability
    in its depth of its ability in understanding / experience.

    Its not the norm to look at life.. through many lifes
    lifetimes ..the majority look at life with a viewpoint
    this their life they live then die thats it.. however
    that far from truth.. it be many lifes one continues
    their journey, to the ultimate their enlightenment.

    Thus dont feel to badly about your are in
    this life going through a major overhaul, of which
    you willl come through much the wiser… I fink I
    told you this before…(the state of depression is
    caused by a chemical that released on the brain
    in a aid to recovery.. THUS depression a gift not
    a curse upon the individual.. THE BEST WAY IN
    dealing with depression.. is not to fear it, not to
    try to run away from it…but rather one should
    embrace it….in doing so one will find it an very
    very rich experience, > (so keep that in mind)
    try to practice it..if doing so twill be to finding
    it a very very very rich experience… It being
    the spiritual journey of development at times
    hard a task, such is true yet its rewards being
    beyond measure, beyond the wildest dreams,
    thus despite lifes trials / thee
    of good faith don’t lose heart don’t lose hope.

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