Archive | June 4, 2010

You mean I actually have to do stuff?

Perhaps the most frustrating thing about depression, at least for those living with someone who suffers from it (i.e., my friends and family) is the complete and utter lack of motivation.

I want a better life, I really do, but I’m having a hard time convincing myself that doing the work required to change for the better is worth it.

This, of course, leads to a dangerous downwards spiral.  I used the metaphor on my mission of walking on a conveyor belt.  If you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backward.  There’s no such thing as standing still.  I was talking about spiritual development, but it works just as well for personal growth as well.

Mom’s on my case to find out about school.  As well she should be.  I’d be frustrated with me if I was in her position, too.

But still, I’m old enough to have kids of my own, and still, one of my main motivations in life is not to have my mom yell at me.

I wish there was a guide, some sort of path–“if you do this, you won’t be depressed any more,” type of thing.  Unfortunately, life just doesn’t work that way.

And I’m not sure I’d have the motivation to do it, anyway.

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