I’m still alive. Really.

I’ve spent the last two days trying to gather my thoughts enough to write them down.  It’s been a tough week, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.

If the way my family converged on my on Friday is any indication, they sure did.

I’m dressed for church, trying to talk myself into going to Sacrament Meeting.  I know I should be going to all of my meetings, but just the thought of it made me feel the beginnings of a panic attack.

I know the agoraphobia isn’t going to go away by sitting alone in my room–but it feels like the only thing I can do.

Part of the reason this week has been so hard is that I had an anniversary that I hoped wouldn’t come.  This week marks one year of being unemployed.  Plus last week spent dealing with all the stress of the nephews, Max’s adventure, and feeling guilty that I wasn’t doing enough to help with the trailer…it’s taken longer to recover than usual.


One response to “I’m still alive. Really.”

  1. william wallace says :

    Corianne / the person with a broken arm or leg etc
    does not simply give up, its but a process of healing
    as with healing one uses the limb unto their ability.

    The same with the brain in its healing though not as
    obvious as the injury to the leg / arm as case being.

    However you must look at it as a process of healing
    as the person in making again their full use of arm /
    leg it be likewise in healing of the brain its working.

    That you go to church meetings be not that taxing
    in the companyof good people, though somewhat
    misguided in that I’m not there to interpret holy
    scripture, thus in giving strong spiritual guidance.

    However they do try in doing right, thus reaching
    out a hand that you may rejoice in hearing an few
    words from the good book, as be blessed in raising
    your voice in praise / worship of the ALMIGHTY.

    Thus if the healing process be completed you must
    show courage, thus take the hand that being offered
    you have confined yourself to an world of shadows
    of fear..where making illusion your worldly reality.

    Thus living life clinging to a cliff face in hanging on
    by your fingertips, neither going down ..neither in
    going down…your cries for help having gathered a
    multitude, all reaching out a hand saying “take it”.

    Corianne / you must let go of the past .. be in the
    present looking to the future, you must be brave
    in letting go of the illusion that you cling.. it but
    a dream of the past.. having held you in its spell.

    In letting go is not to fall to your death.. it but to
    open your heart where seeing the good, the love
    the compassion.. the understanding of humanity
    which but in abundance that being freelyoffered.

    Too long your focus on the bad.. of the darkness
    thus take the hand that offered, in praise of love.

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