Archive | July 11, 2010

I haven’t forgotten about you.

I find myself in a bit of a dilemma.

I have a lot of my mind, but I’m having a hard time organizing my thoughts in such a way that expressing them won’t bring either the concern or consternation of my family down upon me.

I can’t believe how quickly this has been compromised.  When I started this blog, it was with the idea of a) writing, and b) being brutally honest.

I guess that’s what I get for a life time of seeking the approval of others.

I made it to church today.  I wish they would warn me before presenting topics like “overcoming adversity”, and opening and closing with the two hymns that are guaranteed to make me cry.

Not only did I go to church, I wore makeup to church.  However, I wasn’t wearing makeup on the way home from church, I’d cried it all off while I was there.

It’s been a rough afternoon.  I spent a lot of time wondering why–going to church is supposed to make you happy, it’s supposed to shore you up against the buffetings of the adversary, and the world.  Instead, I was in church for one hour (no I didn’t go to all three meetings.  One step at a time here, people) and spent the following six in tears, feeling alternately sorry for and disgusted with myself.

I should know that the answers to such calamities can be found in scripture and prayer.

I still have a lot I need to work though spiritually and emotionally–and I know that working out the spiritual will help with the emotional.  And I know that it’s not supposed to be easy.

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