I find myself in a bit of a dilemma.
I have a lot of my mind, but I’m having a hard time organizing my thoughts in such a way that expressing them won’t bring either the concern or consternation of my family down upon me.
I can’t believe how quickly this has been compromised. When I started this blog, it was with the idea of a) writing, and b) being brutally honest.
I guess that’s what I get for a life time of seeking the approval of others.
I made it to church today. I wish they would warn me before presenting topics like “overcoming adversity”, and opening and closing with the two hymns that are guaranteed to make me cry.
Not only did I go to church, I wore makeup to church. However, I wasn’t wearing makeup on the way home from church, I’d cried it all off while I was there.
It’s been a rough afternoon. I spent a lot of time wondering why–going to church is supposed to make you happy, it’s supposed to shore you up against the buffetings of the adversary, and the world. Instead, I was in church for one hour (no I didn’t go to all three meetings. One step at a time here, people) and spent the following six in tears, feeling alternately sorry for and disgusted with myself.
I should know that the answers to such calamities can be found in scripture and prayer.
I still have a lot I need to work though spiritually and emotionally–and I know that working out the spiritual will help with the emotional. And I know that it’s not supposed to be easy.