Huh. I thought feelings of despair weren’t supposed to kick in until right before finals.

Until I was 21, everything I did was because my sister did it first.  She taught me how to talk–my first words were “Hi Sister!”, and she taught me how to read.

I got my first tricycle after Sis had hers for a year, and the same goes for my first bicycle.  My whole life, I’d watch her do something, like learn multiplication tables, or learn to drive, or get her first job, and a year later, I’d do the same.  It wasn’t until she got married at the age of 21, and, the next year, at the age of 21 I went on a mission that our paths diverged to any real degree.

I don’t know if that has anything to do with anything, but I’m blaming it on being so lost and depressed these past two days.

I mean, really, Sis, the least you could have done was taken a few classes at UVU so you could then show me the ropes, right?

Yesterday and today have been awful.   I think I knew they would be, but was hoping that I’d get right back into the swing of things.  As it stands, I’m self-conscious about my age, and am hating being around all the other students, and am so lost as to where I’m supposed to be.

And that’s just from my institute classes.  My “actual” classes start tomorrow–and the one tomorrow is the one I’m really worried about–English 1010, Introduction to Writing.

So, here’s the thing, it’s not the writing thing that scares me–I love to write, (obviously) and, as long as I do the work I shouldn’t have any problem with it.

I should know, this is at least the third time I’ve taken this particular class.

I didn’t do the work when I took it at USU, and so, failed it.  I took it at the for-profit school I went to and passed with flying colors–but those credits won’t transfer.

What I’m worried about is this is a required class.  And I know it’s going to be filled with the little 18-year-olds that I’m so anxious about being around as it is.

It doesn’t help that I have only a vague idea of where the building I need to go to is located, and the way you’d normally get there is blocked by construction.

So–is that true of all college campuses?  Is there always construction?  There was when I was at Utah State, and now it’s followed me to Utah Valley.

Anyway…

I hope things get easier as I get used to my schedule, and when the “week of welcome” is over–I hate all the noise and confusion and people trying to get you to sign up for stuff that may or may not be pertinent to your success as a student.

All I know it I’m depressed and frustrated.

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