Tag Archive | humor

Je suis un fou officielles

My sister has had a difficult week, so I spent the day at her house, because, you know, nothing helps with a hyperactive three-year old and a colicky infant like also having to take care of your crazy sister.  I debated kidnapping G for the day, but decided I needed to spend time with my sister.  Besides, I tried a batch of Bakerella’s cake balls, and they were getting all eaten at my house, so I needed to get rid of as many of them as possible.

While I was there, I helped Sis sort out the clothes that G and E have grown out of, and pull out some of G’s hand-me downs for E.  When we finished, and she was boxing up the newborn clothes, she said “Je suis grande maintenant.”  A quick note–my sister took French in middle and high school–I chose to use the discretionary language credits taking creative writing classes.  I did pick up a little French on my mission in Canada–a very little, mostly what was on packages in the grocery store.  Basically the names of fruit.

My sister, after showing of her bi-linguality, asked if I understood what she said.  I admitted that I didn’t. She told me it meant “I am big now.”  I joked that if she had thrown a fruit in there, I would have understood–“Je suis grande pamplemousse.”  I then had to admit that I couldn’t remember exactly what fruit pamplemousse is.  I had to ask Google, which then became difficult because I stink at spelling in English.  Spelling in French is nigh on impossible.

Anyway, I’ve spent today basically fighting panic attacks.  Strangely, I’ve felt them coming on when I’ve been in the car–first going up to my sister’s house, then when we were leaving Chick-fil-a where we went for lunch, then on the way home. This was odd–I love to drive.  I do have a hard time if I don’t have an exit route–like if I’m in a car with someone I don’t know very well or don’t trust behind the wheel, but my sister doesn’t fit either of those criteria.  And when I am in the car by myself, or when I’m driving someone else, I’m usually okay.

Long story short, on the way home, I found myself practicing saying “I am a big grapefruit” in French in an effort to calm myself down.

For those of you wondering, my header means “I am an official crazy person”, at least that’s what I typed into translate.reference.com.  When I switched it around, it came back “I am a crazy official”, which would be more àpropos is I had a job…

If either of my readers know how to more appropriately say “I am an official crazy person” in French, and would care to share it with me in the comments, I would be most appreciative. If you also happen to live within walking distance, I’ll even share the cake balls.

Oh, Amazonia, how we love thee.

First off, I want to thank everyone for the love and support they showed me after yesterday’s post.  Anyway, I’m feeling much better now, thanks.  I know I missed at least two, possibly three days of medication last week, and I think it all just kinda hit on Sunday, and I needed Monday to recover as well.

So, the Lexapro is back in my system, I’m happy, sane(r), and, not sleeping.  So I figured since I was up at 4am, and probably not going to get any sleep before sunrise, I might as well take this time to update my blog.

I thought I’d do a lighter post today, to make up for all the depressed angst of the past few days.  So, 116 words later, here we go!

One of my favorite things to do online is to browse at Amazon.com.  It is one of my favorite sites.  I’ve been shopping there for almost 10 years now, and have had only one bad experience with my purchase, and that was with a third-party vendor, who was probably just selling stuff out of her basement.   I’ve watched Amazon grow from an online bookstore, to the place to go online to find diapers and caskets, as well as everything you’ll need in between.

I love to peruse the pages of Amazon, in search of the most random items I can find.  Besides creating a very interesting welcome page, it is a source for hours of boredom-busting entertainment.  I thought I’d share some of my favorite recent finds with you today.

Clover Seeds

Shipping on a 1/4 lb bag of clover seeds is twice what the seeds cost. I'm gonna keep looking.

This first one perhaps isn’t so random, at least not for me.  See, for Christmas, my bro-in-law made me a ‘yard’, a box that sits on my patio where I could plant grass, so my dogs would have a place to potty when I’m not home.  Well, while I was at my sister’s house, I was flipping through one of her seed catalogs (which I also love doing) and came across some clover seeds.  I did some research, and discovered that clover is hardier, requires less maintenance, less water, and is more dog-resistant than grass, and has the added bonus of probably not being toxic to dogs. (I couldn’t find anything that specifically said otherwise.  Alsike clover is toxic to horses, but I couldn’t find anything about the dutch white variety pictured here being harmful to dogs.)

Toy Lunch Meat

It was the "Frequently Purchased Together" section that cinched this for me. Not only can you buy fake meat, but you can buy fake bread and fake cheese too.

Granted, I don’t know many children, but the kids, okay, kid, I know who would want to play with something like this would spend more time trying to eat it than constructing fake sandwiches.

When purchasing toys for my nephews, I have a few requirements that I try to meet.  First, because I love my sister and want at least one of us to be sane, I try to avoid toys that have blinking lights or make noise.  Basically, anything that requires batteries.  Second, it has to do more than one thing.  Third, it has to inspire the imagination. And Fourth, if it is educational, that would also be a plus.  So how does fake sandwich meat stack up? (no pun intended)

Well, it’s fabric discs printed to resemble meat, so no batteries.  That’s good. Can you do more than one thing with it?  Lets see…you could make a pretend sandwich.  You could make a pretend pizza.  You could slip some into a real sandwich or onto a real pizza as a practical joke.  You could throw it at your siblings.  And, I’m out of ideas.  Still, I suppose that’s more than one thing.

Is it educational?  Well, I suppose, if you plan on your child spending some point in his or her life behind a deli counter.  Still, sorry, sis, I don’t think I’m gonna spend more than $10 on this, no matter how much G thinks he needs it.

Gandalf Brooch

I'd probably wear it all the time.

I’ll admit, I’m nerdy enough to absolutely be in love with this.  There is a surprising amount of Lord of the Rings jewelry at Amazon.  Perhaps unfortunately, though, it’s all recreation of the movie costumes.

So, perhaps it’s time to make a little confession.  I like Wheel of Time much more than Lord of the Rings.  I can’t really say why.  So, when I saw the LotR jewelry, I immediately did a search for an Aei Sedai ouroboros ring, (huh, three words in a row that spell check didn’t like.  I wonder why…) but Amazon failed me on this.

The closest thing I could find were these earrings:

I still love them though.  And I know you can by WoT jewelry elsewhere on the internet, so I suppose not all is lost.

I’d still probably wear these earrings all the time.  Besides the WoT thing, I think they look pretty cool. (Friends and family–my birthday is in April, if you’re looking for gift ideas…*nods head vigorously in the direction of the snake earrings*)

So, speaking of fantasy books…

Drunken Goat Cheese

why? just, why?

So, did anyone else see the movie “Coraline”? Or read the book for that matter? (I haven’t read the book despite it’s author, Neil Gaiman being one of my favorites.  I’m a bit leery about venturing into the children/young adult section of the bookstores and libraries) Anyway, remember the character, Mr. Bobo?  When Coraline meets him, she is taking the cheese samples that were mistakenly mailed to her house up to his room in the attic.   That’s what this particular seller reminded me of.  I was going to post a picture of the Limburger cheese they sell, but, I liked the name “drunken goat” better.

Okay, last one.

Bear Hug Hat

Couldn't everyone use a bear hug?

Okay, if you spend time in Saskatchewan when the weather starts to get cold, first of all, are you insane?!, second of all, you’ll notice that the locals call a sweatshirt with a hood a “bunny hug” rather than a hoodie like the rest of the world.  When I saw the name “Bear Hug”, I hoped it would be something similar.  Instead, it’s a hat.  With ears.  And claws.  And a 13 year old model who misunderstood the direction to “look fierce”.

Yeah, I’d probably wear it all winter too.

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