Life has not been fun lately.
I’m having a hard time adjusting to this new semester–I like all of my classes individually, but together…I don’t know. I think part of the problem is that I am going to school six days a week, and so I don’t feel like I’ve got much time to relax.
I did start on an anti-depressant, but I had the bad luck of getting hit by a head-cold/ear infection pretty much the same time I started taking the pills, and so I’ve been headachey and dizzy, and I don’t know what’s side effects from the medicine, and what’s because I’m sick.
Emotionally, though, I’m feeling more stable, so that’s a plus. I’m not losing my temper the way that I have been, and while I’m not happy, I don’t feel hopeless.
Even with the beginnings of stability, I feel like I’m being kicked in the teeth. And it’s nothing big, it’s just the little things that keep piling up until they get overwhelming. It’s the anxiety, the frustration of trying to understand the reading, the not being able to sleep, making stupid mistakes then paying the price…. You know, life.
Well, it’s official. My computer is dead. Gone Kaput *dirty sound made by buzzing the lips* And it only took me two days and three trips to Best Buy to figure it out.
Props to the guys at the Best Buy customer service desk, though, for not laughing at me when returning my purchases and explaining what had happened. Also, they guy in the computer department was much more helpful than his counter-part at Radio Shack.
Surprisingly, I’m not too bummed about it. Hopefully, I be able to procure a replacement soon, but in the mean time, my life has seemed blissfully distraction-free. And there’s always the library, right? And heaven forbid I take this opportunity to learn how to use the computer lab at school.
Of course, living a distraction free life, I’ve been bored out of my skull. The dogs love it, though.
So, yeah… and sitting here at the library computer, watching the clock tick down the amount of time I have available to me, I all of a sudden forgot the two or thee topics I had for blog post. Crap.
So, obviously, updates will be a bit spotty for a while, but I’ll get to them when I can.
Last night, I had one of those nights where I saw the sunrise.
Which meant I spent yesterday sleeping.
Which now means, it’s 1:50 am, and I’m wide awake.
The dogs hate it when I do this. Or maybe not. Right now, they’re curled up in the center of my bed, in the spot where I like to put my legs, and so don’t let them sleep. Lulu’s snoring loudly, so, obviously, she, at least, isn’t too concerned about my strange sleep habits.
Montaigne (I promise I’ll cut down on the Montaigne references. I’m just really enjoying his book.) Says that he who has learned not to be afraid of death has learned how not to be a slave. I’d like to add that this is true only if you are not afraid of living, too.
I have Facebook friends who remark on the passage of the week, saying stuff like “Happy Wednesday!” for instance or, “Almost Friday!” Part of me is glad for these updates–if nothing else, it helps me keep track of the days of the week. But on the other hand, they do mark the passage of time–time that I’m not taking advantage of.
For someone who was mourning lost opportunities a few days ago, I’m sure not taking advantage of the ones I have right now.
Microsoft has reared its bitchy head, and sent me a notification that the version of Office that I’ve used without problem for the past two and a half years is not valid, and they were going to prevent me from using it, unless I spent a minimum of $150 to buy a new copy. Well, that’s not gonna happen, even if I had an extra $150 lying around, which I most definitely do not.
So, I’ve spent this morning going through and changing all my Word documents into Open Office documents, and I came across a journal that I began keeping in April 2008, and had forgotten about by August 2008. As I read the entries, I realized that I could have written them all yesterday–especially the uber-whiny depressed ones. It’s discouraging to think that I’ve dealt with the same emotional crap for the past two years–never mind the past twenty.
What really surprised me, though, was that I talked about the same feeling of being on the edge of something life-changingly huge that I’m dealing with now. Nothing happened to account for that feeling in the past two years (except Max and Lulu coming to live with me, but that entry was written after the entry that talked about bringing them home). It makes me wonder if I’m still up in the night about the way I’m feeling now. I hope not. I really need a job.