Somehow, I got talked into going to my parent’s house for a couple of days. It’s like they read this blog, and saw that I was going crazy(er) sitting around my house just talking to the dogs.
My parents bought the house they are living in now from my grandparents–it’s been in the family since it was built. Because of this, I know a ridiculous amount about the history of the house–I know that the bedroom that I say in when I visit was built for my mom’s two youngest brothers to share, I know which of my uncles was stupidly playing with a shotgun inside, and put holes in the rec room ceiling–and that those holes didn’t get patched to serve as a warning/reminder long after that uncle moved out, had children, then his children had time to grow up.
Over the years, the tree with the bolt in it fascinated me. It has not only survived the last thirty years, it’s thrived. The tree has “eaten” the bolt, to the point now you can tell there was something there, but not what it is.
I was thinking about this tree last night, and a scripture from the Book of Mormon came to mind, specifically, Ether 12:26-27
And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
I always wondered how weak things could become strong. I never doubted, because I know that with God, all things are possible.
The split in the tree was possibly fatal to it, but after it was bolted together, it grew fast and strong and tall, and is now one of the healthiest trees in my parent’s yard. What once was a weakness is now a strength.
I feel like there are so many weaknesses in my life, and so few strengths. I have so far to go–but I guess that I’ve come a long way too.
Okay, I can do this. I can.
So, I guess I lied in yesterday’s post. Probably not so much as to anyone reading, as to myself. If last night/this morning is any indication, I still have emotional hangovers.
Yesterday was amazing. It turns out that the grumpy side of the family is a lot less grumpy when a certain uncle and his children don’t show up. I ended up laughing at myself; part of the reason I was so excited for the party was for the opportunity to eat meat, I’m poor so that doesn’t happen very often. So guess who ended up choosing fish on both trips through the buffet line? Yeah…
One of my cousins was there, who has only started returning to family parties recently. His story isn’t mine to tell, but he’s been through a hell that I can only imagine. He made a point to talk to me, and get my phone number, and let me know he’d been worried about me.
This cousin and I are about as different as two people can be while still being related. I think the easiest way of saying it is that his problems came about from doing too much, while my problems are caused by doing too little.
We didn’t get a chance to talk at the party, but we did chat on Facebook last night. What he had to say was very touching, and I needed to hear it–and not just because he kept telling me how strong and smart I am.
After our conversation, as I was trying to go to sleep last night (the insomnia’s back. So frustrating.) I was thinking about this cousin. In my mind’s eye, I pictured all the people supporting me and cheering me on, and it was nice to be able to add his face to the throng. I thought about all that he’s gone through, then pictured him with one hand firmly grasped in that of the person who helped him the most, and the other outs outstretched towards me. I then looked past his help, and saw a long chain of people, all supporting each other. It was a very comforting image.
I don’t know why I have to keep reminding myself that humans are social animals, and we rely on the strength and support of friends and family. I don’t like to make people go out of their way to help me, but the thing is, as far as emotional support goes, oftentimes, I don’t even realize when I’m offering it. We are at our best when we are helping and being helped by others.
Even having realized this, I’m still being bad and skipping church today.
Um, I should probably mention the new theme/header. I was just getting tired of the dictionary page, and was ready to celebrate spring. I also like that you can jump between posts with this theme without going back to the home page.